After a year of being a full-time yoga instructor, I feel I have become more grounded in who I am and what my purpose is in life. My role at Dancing Mind Yoga is to develop the teachers and assistants to stand in their power. It had been a balancing act between being supportive and being brutally honest. I have found that by being for others, I am able to see that their journey has been my own journey. Our paths often parallel each other and from hindsight, hopefully I can bring better judgement to the present moment.
When I was in my early 20s, a friend of mine told me after countless conversations complaining about my dating habits – he said, “You will repeat the same pattern with different men UNTIL you are open enough to learn from your past to make a Choice to CHANGE.” I was very frustrated back then and sometimes, I still feel frustrated in my relationship now because I have repeated some not so healthy habits with my partner. I am fortunate to have found a patient and loving man with an enduring heart that sees right through me and loves me regardless of my mistakes. He is completely honest with me when I do not want to hear it AND he makes me a stronger and more resilient person.
As in my personal relationship, I found that being vunerable is one of the most challenging aspects of taking it to the next level. The parallel is I also have a hard time letting my peers see that I am not perfect. They look to me for answers and sometimes, I can’t give them anything profound. I am no guru. I don’t have all the right answers. I am still learning and I, too make mistakes. However, I am committed to growth and I will get up every time I fall down.
I can see in the eyes of my fellow teachers and assistants that they also have the same fears as I have. Fear of failure, fear of not being liked, fear of not looking good. The interesting thing is, when these fears surface, our bodies respond to them. For me: I withdraw, I can’t seem to find any words, I become defensive. I am not WHO I want I can be. I start to judge myself and then it explodes to negativity towards the people in my life. Whenever I am at this low point in my life, I feel like I need a life-line to help me swim up to the surface again so that I can be the PERSON that I KNOW I can be. I find it very easy and fulfilling to be the life-line for others but for me to give up the control and allow others to help me, that is giving my complete trust that they have my best interest at heart. How do I LIVE the words I PREACH? The answer is to take Action and become vunerable, have faith and trust in the goodness of the people you surround yourself with.
The most fascinating discovery that I have found is, I am always a student even when I stand and lead a class as a teacher. I practice humility to learn from others by being open and authentic. I share from experiences and hope that I can empower those around me to fully live and stand in their power.